Internet Special Education Resources
Special Education & Learning Disabilities Resources: A Nationwide Directory
Parenting Your Special Needs Child in a General Needs World By Raffi Bilek, Director of www.baltimoretherapycenter.com
Nobody who isn't going through what you're going through can fully understand the difficulty of it. Peer support can be a great boost in trying to deal with the ups and downs of parenting a special needs child. Certainly you are less likely to be judged on your (apparent) successes and failures by people who have experienced the same failures and worse. There are plenty of communities out there for people in your situation. If you aren't connected to one through your child's school, consider finding a specialized support group locally or online. Nothing can compare to the kind of support you can get from others who have been there, and still are.
A common challenge faced by many parents is OPJ (Other Parents' Judgment). If this is so for parents of "typical" children, how much more so for parents of special needs children! When your child is prone to acting out more than others, or is less receptive to social cues, or possesses weaker impulse control than your average kid, you may find yourself in those awkward tantrum-in-the-grocery-store moments more often than other parents. How to cope?
- Remind yourself what really matters.
Clue: It's not what other parents think of you. You need to do right by your child. What really matters is that they what they need from you, whether it is love and sympathy, discipline and consequences, or any other parental input. You know this. But it's easy to forget in that moment with other parents staring at you as you try your best to manage a behavioral incident over which you likely have little control.
It can help to focus on this point at times when things are going right, when you succeed in giving your child what they need, whether it's dinner or a shoulder to cry on or a removal of privileges. Remind yourself that you are doing your best to give them what they need and feel good about it, so that you can draw upon that feeling when things aren't going as smoothly.
- Get support from other parents in the same boat.
Take care of yourself. You are your child's most important resource. They need for you not to get depleted. That means it is in their interest for you to take time off to address your own needs. This includes regular exercise, enough sleep, adult conversations, social connections, and anything you personally need to keep yourself going.
Often parents of children with significant needs can feel guilty about taking time for themselves (especially when their kids make them feel guilty for leaving them with the babysitter). But recall that you are doing your child a favor by taking care of you. They may not like it, but they also don't like when you make them brush their teeth, and having a functional, sane parent is probably more important!
At the end of the day, nothing can make your job easy. But there are ways you can make it more manageable. Be sure to keep your eye on what really matters; make sure to get support from people in similar situations; and take care of your own needs. These tips may not solve all your problems, but they can be a real game-change in how you feel about facing them.
Raffi Bilek is a marriage & family therapist available for counseling in Baltimore, MD or anywhere in the world via the internet. You can reach him through his site at www.baltimoretherapycenter.com or call 443-598-2821.
Disclaimer: Internet Special Education Resources (ISER) provides this information in an effort to help people find the right help for their special needs children and teens. ISER does not recommend or endorse any particular special education referral source, type of special education professional, specific special education professional, or educational methods.
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