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Parenting a Child with a Disability: Adaptive Paths Forward
Having a child with any kind of disability, whether a learning disability, ADHD, autism, or any other type, can be a challenging road for parents. It is stressful to watch a child struggle, and there is often worry about if he/she will succeed in school and fit in socially.The earlier a disability is diagnosed, the sooner intervention can start, and the greater likelihood of a positive outcome. Parents who suspect some type of learning, attention, or social problem would benefit from getting their child an evaluation as soon as possible, to help to get them on a course of remediation and supportive services.
There are two main ways to intervene: remediation and accommodation. It is often very helpful to obtain accommodations, and to find ways to use a child's strengths to compensate for his/her weaknesses. However, it is also very important to focus on remediation or skills learning as early as possible.
Remediation involves direct services to help a child improve weak areas, in a way that he or she can learn best. Starting remediation can initially be very frustrating for a child, and difficult for a parent to watch. It is best to start with small achievable goals so that a child gains mastery and a sense of improvement. As a result, a child is much more likely to maintain motivation to continue.
Parents can help by providing positive comments for both child effort and accomplishment in the learning trajectory. It is always helpful to praise a child's effort, even if not yet successful at mastering a new skill. It takes time and practice to get to the next level, and positive reinforcement fosters an adaptive path forward. Another important part of remediation or skills learning is integrating strategies at home. Ask your child's therapist how to provide learning opportunities during everyday tasks at home and outside of the home.
When a child or parent is feeling stressed due to the child's disability, each can benefit from using positive coping skills. For example, deep breathing and meditation exercises can be tailored to a child's developmental level to offer the most benefit. But it is equally important to model how to use adaptive coping skills. A child benefits from directly hearing from a parent "I'm feeling stressed right now, but I know there are things I can do to get my stress level down. I'm going to do some meditation now to calm myself and then I'll be able to think more clearly". When a child sees a parent actively coping, as opposed to the child just being told to do this, it is much more effective.
Perhaps most importantly, look at your child's disability as an opportunity to build resilience. Kids who go through tough things early on are often better at coping with difficult stressors as adults, when they've learned to work through it with the help of adaptive interventions, positive reinforcement, and caring support.
Dr. Beth Klein can be reached at 954-423-4231. Learn more about her practice at: www.readingevals.com.